Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
