u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Randomize
