4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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