I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
