There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
