made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
