Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
