'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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