She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
