Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
