i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
