i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
