Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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