i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
