I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
