I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
