I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
whose ass print is on the piano?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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