you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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