careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
