so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
