I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
