Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
