i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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