Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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