You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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