just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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