At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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