this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
