they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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