apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
