quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
