11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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