Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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