she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
