Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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