she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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