You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
