perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
