this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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