You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
