My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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