at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
