Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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