honey bunches of taint.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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