turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Found the puke drawer
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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