Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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