why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We were destined to go to rehab together
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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