Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
