smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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