New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
