Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am available for nakedness
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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