Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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