i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
