PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
